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Five Holiday Gifts to Avoid In 2008

There are a lot of gift guides out there to help you determine what to buy this holiday season. The Ars Technica staff released their holiday gift guide last week, the New York Times offer their Critics Picks for the season, and Amazon.com will be hawking gifts of all types for the next three weeks.

Suggestions abound about what to give. But what if you need some tips on what gifts to avoid? Here are my top five holiday gifts not to give this year:

1) "I Love Wall Street" T-Shirt

Unless you're shopping for someone who likes "ironic hipster" t-shirts, this one probably isn't a good idea. Your day-trading sister-in-law might not have done so well this year, and even if she did wearing this t-shirt in public might increase her chances of being physically assaulted, particularly in a US auto manufacturing city like Detroit. Put it on the shelf and hope the market does better next year.

2) The ManGroomer Electric Back Hair Shaver

Personal grooming kits, including ear and nose hair trimmers, have become de rigeur for the aging male who wants to keep things neat and tidy. And they increasingly serve as fun stocking-stuffers during the holidays.

A personal back hair trimmer, however, might be a little harsh as a holiday gift. While the utility of this item can not be questioned, its social repercussions could be devastating.

Surprising your gift recipient with his electric back hair trimmer in front of family and friends may expose more about the extent of his hirsuteness than anyone cared to know. And it will inevitably lead to calls for a live, on-the-spot demonstration that puts your trimmer recipient in a very awkward position.

If a loved-one you know needs this, slip it under their pillow discreetly and let them believe it was delivered by the back-hair fairy instead of giving it to them in front of people enjoying egg nog by the fire.

3) A Cat Stroller

Don't get me wrong, I love cats. I have two of my own and can share a lot of weird stories about my adventures in feral cat rescue that stop cocktail party conversations dead in their tracks.

Let it be known that my affection for my cats does not imply I want to parade them around town in a cat stroller. Aside from the cat going berzerk due to overstimulation, "crazy cat guy" is a nickname that is incredibly difficult to shed.

4) A Snuggie Wearable Blanket

Nothing says "I belong to a cult" more than a wearable blanket. It's especially creepy when worn by multiple people in the same room. Plus it comes with a free booklight, presumably so you can read and re-read your favorite mantra over and over and over and over and over...

If you want to give someone a blanket, go old-school and knit them a nice afghan like grandma used to do.

5) Motor oil themed shampoo

According to RoadKing magazine, this shampoo comes in a "one-quart motor oil jug", is "maplewood and tobacco oil scented and doubles as a body wash."

Emphasizing the "body wash" aspect, anythingsupermall.com notes that "it can be used from the top of your head to the bottom of your piston."

I don't think I have anything else to say about that.